Gratitude & Trust

and because I'd heard so many gross unhappy things about people lately.

i think i should be happy of what i have now with me (:

so thank you people.

for all your kind words, love, care and concern.

explicitly, implicitly, i got them, i got it (:

even my family (:

i like how i always end every shoot with voon feeling so happy, so.. safe.

i like how everytime she said 'i understand u too well lah'

and whatever she said, she get it right.

and how, she knows every impossible thing will always come from me.

and thank you for your reminder message but sorry i was sleeping so i didnt reply.

anyway, enjoy your mini getaway with your fantabulous bf i love you very much voon :)

and i told her, it's sad, cos circumstances mould the path of love.

and almost everytime, a relationship is always full of love full of happiness when circumstances doesn't allow you all to be together.

only then, people appreciate things more.

with things laid nicely in front of you, nobody will see them as gold.

and, how much of a fabricated truth can you trust?

that said, i'm glad my friends see me as a confidante.

so darling girl, if you are reading this, be happy ok (:

i see the good in you, we see the good in you.

these will suffice (:

I wish you didn't matter

then it wouldn't hurt this bad.

Word.

it's actually so easy to say you don't want it anymore,

but so hard to do it.

when people over promise, under deliver, did they ever know maybe, just maybe the other party would be so crushed and disappointed.

regarding my past post, thank you for your concern.

i'm fine, and i'm still attached.

hahaha, the status thingy doesn't refer to tay anyway..

and. i am so unhappy today.

hate it when the mood affects the appetite.

hate it when i'm feeling this way.

hate it when. yah. shit happens.

and, i'm so pissed off.

i'm just angsty. fucking angsty over it.

i'll just work, then sleep the unhappiness off.

i don't like this. i don't want this. i don't need this.

李格格

 

what keeps me sane and laughing after a hectic day (:

so bloody adorable.

hahahahaha.

ok, everyone go like this photo on my instagram naoz.

^^

i'll blog more, soon.

Stop This War.

  

i hate the font.

i'm getting so lazy, i don't even bother trying out the html codes anymore.

MEH.

 

 

only happy thing for the week: i'm so glad we are talking again.

i guess expectations really kill things.

whatever i want, i get it without any status between us.

the care, the concern, the attention.

but it was also you, who taught me a status don't matter.

cos what's most important is the heart.

so happy for u, so happy for us.

and can't wait to see u next week (:

my shoes came! 

collected them today, and yes something happy again!

ok come, let me recall of even more happy things.

GONNA PARTY WITH BABY FERM TMR!

yes happy again!

haha ok, pms is making me cranky.

i feel cold, then hot, then cold.

i feel like crying, then not, then feel like crying again.

meh, hormones, meh.

hate you.

it's sad, when the person who used to make you laugh, don't anymore.

I'm blinddd

 

so bloody cute rightttttttt

 

the difference between me and farah >.<

i really love her handwriting.

 

BUT I CAN BE NEAT TOO!

 

with jewel!

i wanna cut my fringe alreadyyyyyy.

and my hair.

too unkempt :(

 

hate it when falsies fail on me.

meh.

harry potter exhibit with junying today!

i actually love it?

first time doing such things with a friend, it's so enjoyable too (:

and i like lar, it's interesting, and finally an exhibit which i have enough knowledge to begin with.

shiok.

bought the beans for farah cos she bought me hkity marshmallows the other day to cheer me up!

my work is filled with nice people.

i am in bliss <3

although i think i'm sadistic in nature..

i know i'll find out things that will hurt me.

i know i'll find out he's a compulsive liar.

but i still go ahead, and let the truth hurt me.

so i looked at the pictures, checked the dates.

kaobei-ed to smlj, and then i slept.

to be honest, it didn't hurt.

i felt sour, then stupid, then amused.

i guess when things become insignificant, u just won't give a fuck anymore.

well, i guess i just 看不开 to a certain extent.

i need people to slap the truth on my face,

then i'll be able to leave my self made fairytale.

and i believe 障眼法 do exist, and a lot of people are using it.

oh wells, the world.

that said, i'm glad i'm a more positive person now.

i find distractions, i numb myself, and i learn,

if there's not a need to know, don't bother to know.

ignorance is REALLY bliss.

no doubt about it.

and tay, as asshole as u are sometimes, especially recently.

thank you for your love.

i'm sorry i'm so broken and damaged sometimes, i can't handle our issues properly,

but thank you, for trying to make things better.

because when i step out of everything and take a look, i do see your efforts.

they ain't futile, so thank you.

but please, STOP BEING AN ASS.

love you nonetheless. :)

I was wrong

 

And I was wrong, I guess I just can't conceal this bitter feeling...

Whatever I thought or believed wasn't the real.

Do you know about the three time rule?

If a person say / do something for 3 times, it means he / she really mean it.

I pressed on, because I believed what I believe.

And then I realized today, it's nowhere near reality.

It's funny how it seemed like I self made everything up.

Positive, The Secret, Positive.

Stealth

 

the other day while waiting at airport.

 

pushpop hkitty fan ^^

 

because only close friends understand me well.

knows what i want.

gives me what i want.

i rather waking up to 1 text from the right person,

rather than 10 from the wrong ones.

love you smlj :)

100 marks for your efforts!

it's a TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN!

:D

 

and i wonder if clouds taste horrible.

because i'm a cynic today.

yesterday was horrible..

mad rush morning at cp, and just when i finally had time to buy lunch.

appetite gone, just like that.

fucking inefficient in the office, wet a couple of parcels, keep stoning.

meh, really hate it when i'm this weak.

although i'm glad that i'm no longer vulnerable, but i hate it when i'm still weak.

and when a habit becomes a weakness, don't like it when i gotta succumb to it.

MEH.

and like what i told smlj & babyferm.

i'm now a no-lifer.

the only time im free to talk to them is in the morning when i go for work.

and they won't hear from me till the next day.

LOL.

but i sorta like this? 

work makes me tired, and keeps me sane.

and i feel much better today.

i should be thankful that at least there's this bit of comfort i still get with his presence.

it actually speeds up the healing process.

the fact that i know u don't feel good about all these either....... just makes me :(

as childish as i sound

.

by chance, or by choice.

some things are always better left unsaid.

Kiss and Kiss.

 

and yes, i'm in love :)

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING TAY.

for letting me know, not every quarrels mean a break up.

for talking on the phone with me almost everyday.

for introducing me to your friends.

for all the stayovers.

for telling me being insecure is normal.

for making me feel 'this guy really loves me'.

 and i can go on, and on, and on... 

and because everything is so different,

it feels like i just got into a relationship for the first time in my life -_-

i'm so happy you are back.

it's just nice to have you around although u annoy me so much all the time.

but it's all because u love me.

although i keep saying you are selfish and you set double standards etc,

i'm sorry, but deep down,

i truly feel loved (:

i nomu nomu nomu nomu nomu love you b.

muahs.

x

I Find Shelter In This Way

 

today bf said he missed me and asked me to send him a pic of my pretty face.

i sent him this.

HAHAHA.

CHIO WHAT, NO?

hur.

haha.

 

and caylia, she mastered the annoying technique of..

S C R E A M I N G.

gosh. 

we decided to tease her so isa baby passed her for me to carry.

then she immediately start SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND SCREAMING.

hahahaha so poor thing, and this is the aftermath.

maxed out after all the screaming & crying i guess.

it's only about 20seconds?

but sigh, so cute so adorable, i can't help but say sorry to her and sayang her pat pat her.

yiyi hai shi ai ni de baobei.

muahs 

 

and this is how i shut my friend up.

lol, i think i'm damn anal sometimes, but yea.

but sho sweet right.

ok la, tay is very shweet too.

hahahahaha.

side track: my brother is fucking annoying.

he keeps trying to 挑拨离间。

kor why you like that one whyyyyyyy :<

 

and my eyes are so black T.T

the infection never heal, the skin is forever peeling.

cost of wanting to look beautiful.

meh.

i'm a super woman! cleared 100+ emails.

i am very proud of myself.

although my boss is, i dunno, ultra super woman?

ok, damn fucking proud of you too yinagoh.

我颁 ’最佳不是人‘ 奖杯给你。

hahahaha.

aiight, in 24 hours time i'll be hugging dearest bf to sleep.

SHI HAPPY DE.

ok wan an people.

xo.

Life

And I guess, it's all part of growing up.

and it all suddenly make sense why people suddenly text me and ask about you.

honestly, i'm very happy & excited for you.

happy, very very happy.

i just wanna call you, scream at you, share everything with you, and hear your updates.

looking at the pictures just make me realize everything else that used to matter no longer matter,

as long as you are happy.

and you look happy!

well, have a blissful marriage.

be healthy, be safe.

i love you, forever and always :)

I Break My Nose

 I FUCKING HATE MY NOSE.

I WISH IT WOULD BREAK WHENEVER I RUB IT.

I WISH I HAVE NO NOSE.

MEH.

ANNOYED.

FUCK U NOSE.

ok. random things to cheer me up

 

 

  

 

 

and the only time i did this was when i went for the cheerleading tryout during ijc.

and it freaked me out -_-

ok, not i want to do this again.

shi fun de.

in the pool i hope.

hahaha.

Blind

funny how i still feel zoned out everytime i hear this song.

i can't believe i still remember how significant this song was to me.

lol.

the gullible me in the past.

anyway, i'm actually very touched by my friends today.

so lili ah xian & yvonne were supposed to have dinner at 2d1n yesterday.

and today when i saw lili.

she gave the ai mai ai mai face when she wanna tell me things.

she's just very afraid that i'll be upset or affected when she tell me that.

lol.

then come ah xian.

the exact same reaction.

i totally can feel their inertia (lol).

he gave the 'i don't know if i should say the name out a not cos i am afraid u will be affected'

then yvonne.

really wanna laugh.

but i'm happy, that they are very concerned about my feelings!

that at least they do bother and care if i will be affected or not.

so thank you bosses.

i am fine, and you all can just say the name out as and when you all want.

WO HEN OK DE.

but, thank you!

especially yvonne for the hkitty box!

and lili for the dinner & everything else.

i know i'm a lazy worker but i know u love me and i love you too.

我是很爱很爱很爱你们的 :)

Weary,

 

  

yesterday.

cosmic gate was good.

pissed with uncivilized bitches at members.

went home early, camwhored.

slept.

woke up about 6?

felt so upset cos shithole ain't around.

then i went back to sleep after whining to him.

hate that he's away :(

alright, happy things!

yina brought us out for office dinner!

then dessert!

NUTELLA TART.

knnbbqfucking awesome fantabulous.

i want bring tay and all my friends to eat there too.

woohooo!

  

i captioned it as 2 balls + 1 cock.

and they said no one will like that pic.

TOO BAD.

I GOT LIKE 5 LIKES?

hahahahahaha.

  

lovely farah! :)

i want her boobs :<

permed her hair too.

chio right!

hahahaha.

  

braided yina's hair too!

i think with her hair colour like this, it's really damn chio if u braid it.

the perm sorta failed, but ok lah, shi not bad de.

WOOHOO I AM MULTI TALENTED ^^

i told her i only got 12 likes, so i ask yina to post it on her instagram.
she got 131 likes with that same pic -.-
WTF RIGHT. THE DIFFERENCE.
haha. nabei.

  

instagram had been hanging on me lately :(

i gotta screenshot pictures for fear of losing them.

hahaha.

  

and i wore jeans... after so long.

TVD's pastel jeans in vintage blue S! :D

my minion name is Kitty (you know why la hor)

so yeah, i believe i am doing a very good job in replying emails.

and i feel ultra happy when people Hi Kitty or Thanks Kitty me.

HAHAHAH.

ok, my self obsession with kitty :x

  

upcoming TVD dress! <3

so chiooooo.

and i gotta change to decent style.

so yeah, hello sweet dresses.

hahahahahaha.

  

  

with lyna & jess!

thank you lyna's boy for the drinks (first meeting, good impression made uh)

and jess! thank you sexy watermelon...

sorry for leaving early but i'm sure you had fun!

i feel like a perv but i love all my friends boobs.

haha.

soo.. as much as i love clubbing, i decided i'll quit.

bit by bit.

i pretty much want a lepak chill weekends,

but sometimes it's hard when you have a bf who clubs & drinks alot too.

not an excuse, but inevitably, if tay clubs i'll also go party with my friends.

it just makes no sense to me having to wait for him at home and worrying what he's doing :<

although we reached an agreement, although i don't worry that much now.

i think i'm just too scarred to step out of it.

lol, ok i'll try then.

to not club when he clubs, and see what happens.

maybe i'll even like my quiet night without him.

but i actually like his smell more whenever he drinks, so yeah.

HAHAH. 

FAN JIAN TO THE MAX 

>.<

i'm so tired i worked the whole saturday.

and the only time i can rest was dinner, but it just seem not enough.

so.. just a little rant.

after the money incident, which i think stirred alot of doubts and unhappiness in the family.

which i hate admitting to.

but yah.

then, got a lashing from dad on friday.

he said he doesn't like me to go to clubs etc, and ask me to stop going.

honestly, it's the first time he scolded me for my partying.

he had never stopped me or expressed any disdain all along.

i don't know is it cos he never realized i clubbed / drank almost everyday during their divorce period,

or the period when i go mbk almost everyday with sam,

or after breaking up with mdk where i clubbed every wed, fri, sat.

i'm just, bewildered.

but fine, i'm willing to compromise as long as he's happy.

then today, told him i'm staying over at mum's.

cos i'm really tired, i don't wanna spend on cab..

and i still wanna do up my launch for tmr.

he replied ok, then afterwhich, he replied something like i better be at my mum's, cos it's late i shouldn't be running around outside.

well, i mms-ed him a pic of me in my sis's room to prove that i'm at my mum's.

i don't need to do this in the past.

or maybe it's cos i'm staying over at my mum's too frequently now due to tay.

i don't know, i just don't like that he doubts me.

asked my sis for a favour to drive home my stocks.

and so she asked me to bring it over to her place.

although it's only a 5-10mins walk, but the stocks were really fucking heavy.

my back hurts so bad throughout the walk.

and i called her instead of texted her when i reached despite her request.

and she was obviously very unhappy cos i accidentally woke caylia up.

i know i shouldn't complain cos she's doing me a favour already.

but i don't know, i think i'm just tired.

cried while walking back.

and i just feel,

我真的很累。

i think work really wears me out.

i think i was too pampered and spoilt.

and i guess i just have to pay for my mistake for over spending that time.

meh.

i don't know, since young, i love going home.

i love being home.

even when i'm with mdk, if we got no plans, it'll just be nua at my house.

i love it whenever my friends come over, i like that my friends like coming over too.

i love going home cos it makes me happy.

but recently, i dread heading home.

and i don't like this feeling at all.

and cos tay is in thailand and i didn't want to tell him anything cos i don't want my mood to spoil his trip.

it just sucks feeling so lonely handling all these.

but i'm thankful though.

his twitter dp made me laugh.

it's amazing, how he's still the one who cheered me up despite not knowing anything.

i never had these.

so thank you tay.

and faster come back :)

i guess being loved is the best gift i can ever get from anyone :)

end of rant.

i'll sleep and self heal.

and i'll be happy again tmr cos i'm working at my fav place <3

I'm in here.

 

and so... dearest bf flew to thailand to hug thai girls :<

wo hen jealous.

wo hen angry that he refused to pack me inside his luggage when obviously i can squeeze into it.

RAWR.

:<

hahaha.

meh miss him so much :(

yesterday!

butter-ed and yea, it was really better than expected.

well all my butter experiences always suck, so yah, yesterday one was.

ok, awesome company makes awesome party!

 

with babyferm! loveeee her top.

and june was not wearing any bra!

her boobs are like damn damn damn damn damn soft.

so yes b, I FINALLY GROPED REAL BIG BOOBS.

you are not the only one now HAHA.

 

everyone loves my dress & my ass.

^^

and someone gave me this 'call me' sticker which is so cute.

hahaha.

 

the queue for free flow is horrifying.

the r&b room was so fucking packed.

shocked that i can still bump into familiar faces.

finally saw bobo & ben after soooo long!

so happy to see them ^^

 

and we went home - Zouk.

hahahahaha.

anyhows, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JIAQI!

MAY WONDERSTELLAR HUAT PINEAPPLE TARTS.

STAY PRETTY & HOT & SEXY & WONDERFUL & EVERYTHING NICE.

XOXO.

and i can now die in peace because i finally saw tommywee in real life.

SO FUCKING GORGEOUS.

woohhhooooo.

swee choon-ed for the first time & i like their dimsum!

so yummeh!

and june, she can really eat.

hahahaah.

 

went home missing the bf so bad i hugged my shirt to sleep cos he sprayed his cologne on it.

hahahaha.

MEH.

i hate u shithole tay :<

 

today.

babylove made me a bookmark cos i requested.

love the chats.

love the teasing.

love everything.

love you smlj.

sorry for the lack of time for you, but you know i'm always here <3

aiight, and the asshole just whatsapped me

'fucking drunk'

MEH. 

i can't help but think about the number of siam bus who just grinded him :<

hahahahahaha.

ok la i'm kidding.

miss you truckloads.

have fun.

happy birthday to your friend.

and come back soon.

xo.

goodnight world.

Nobody does.

 the very last bit of it.

 

i don't know why the person offered to snap the pic but it turned out so dark -_-

but thanks anyway!

gotta be appreciative.

hahahaa

have i ever mentioned i love light sticks?

especially in the clubs.

they just make me happy...

^^

see. we are all very happy.

hahaha.

 

so.. thank you ppl!

thank you smlj for talking me on the phone before.

thank you for your words, thank you for your i miss you i love you.

thank you for everything.

thank you jess (sorry we didn't take pic at the booth! :<) for accompanying me whenever i need to zao elsewhere.

for giving the most logical rational advise.

and yes, pig out session this week sexy girllll.

and the usual fermelle, june, jiaqi, yvonne.

especially fermelle chua!

shi love ni de la babygirl.

i hope when u read my blog you will chance upon this post ^^

and that night was just a whirlpool of different emotions.

i guess i just have a love hate relationship of being in the same club with the bf.

and so today, i woke up with my body aching EVERYWHERE.

i guess age is catching up and all those carrying stocks at cp is making my bones fragile.

haha.

oh wells.

and i haven't been feeling so happy lately, i just wanna hide.

from everyone.

i just keep getting misunderstood.

even when it comes with good intentions, it'll just be mistaken.

meh. i don't like this.

i'm just amazed with how things work somehow.

how do you have the patience & understanding & love to know another stranger well again.

i guess i'm too used to 活在当下。

but my philosophy just don't work anymore as i grow older.

meh. ok i think it's the wrong side of my bed.

i'll go back sleep for awhile, then roll out at the correct side.

then things, perhaps, will fall into places nicer, better.

and, i'm just curious.

why is someone browsing my archives every saturday?