#166

i want to read finish the thread.
but im so tiredddddd.

waiting for the father to come home so i can have a chat with him.
BUT HE'S STILL NOT HOMEEE.
ugh.

alot of things had happened.
im really upset i'd to prioritize stuff and still unable to visit cheng and my aunt.
i hope cheng doesn't feel upset.
but im happy for her.
she's gonna have a straight spine,
AND GONNA BE 3CM TALLER.
haha.
thats awesome.
wonder if resting my whole hand over her shoulders would feel the same?

i always thought ganster-ish brotherhood only exist in teenagers.
i was shocked.
appalled.
and disgusted it still exist in the adults too.
which i really dont get it at all.

as selfish as i am,
i really dont wish to see another family tearing apart cos of this issue.

as for my family.
i think its not tearing.
its like inside a shredding machine.
SHREDDED INTO BITS BY BITS.

i feel.
motherfucking upset.

father's back!
will continue later~


*****

and the talk didn't went well.
no more than 5 sentences and it ended.
OH WELLS.
the father is upset.
everyone is upset actually.

sometimes i feel,
how long can such things actually go on?

u get the stronger one, to protect the weaker, to protect the weaker, to protect the weaker.
u get what i mean?
at the end of the day,
who protects the stronger one?
he/she isnt made of steel y'know.
humans do collapse at times.

and sometimes.
it puts everybody in a difficult position.
we're still kids.
im still a kid,
i dunno how to handle difficult position.
and yet i still have to act yi ge strong.

i quarrelled with E today.
i really dunno if its my fault.
but i really didnt want to apologize for anything at that point of time.
i hate it that whenever we have a dispute.
he started pushing all the blame to me.

and hello.
can u imagine when u finally think there's someone u can rely on.
someone u can finally NOT be the one protecting him/her.
then E just have to quarrel with me.
and the blows he give to my heart.
its as though they;re free.
no need money one,
keep giving.

doesn't it occur to anybody that.
im a weakling.
and when im upset.
I NEED LOVE CARE AND CONCERN FROM EVERYBODY.
i need to act like a kid to fight for attention.
i want people to MAKE IT CLEAR that they love and care for me.

because im like this.

so to all my sluts out there who're reading this.

PLEASE JUST TEXT ME SOME LOVEY DOVEY MSG-ES.

im VERY DEPRIVED of love.

UPSET.
im still fucking upset.
gonna crawl to my bed and cry myself to sleep..