bother. doubts.

i promised myself,
to blog finish after my song.

sometimes i just wanna isolate myself.

i worry so much about stuffs.
i dunno why i worry so much.

paranoid.
cos i start to worry what if i lose things i possessed.
and what if,
my heart will be tear into pieces if i lose them.

give and take.

so much things had happened.
life.

cant help but ponder.

today i asked cheng again,
does it mean we can never go for an overseas trip at all?
i guess im just disappointed with her answer.
like really disappointed.

sometimes when i say i dont bother.
it doesnt mean i dont bother.

i dont like that we club without her presence.
i dont like that i drink without her.
i dont like there's no one to kiss with me in clubs.
i dont like there's no one to bitch frequently and people-watch.
i dont like the fact that we'd been wanting an overseas trip so badly all these years.
and its all gonna be gone at this very moment.

and many more.

i get jealous easily.
even if its not mdk.

i expect cheng to tell me things first.
i never like to be second.
i see people get best friends tattoo.
i want one too.
and i get pissed when she cant get one.
i see beth and jas meeting frequently.
i get jealous of them.
its never that case for us.
pfft.

and i compare.
i see guys write love letters for their gfs.
i want mdk to do the same thing for me.

and im selfish.
i dont like couples wearing couple checkered tees.
i just want that memory to ONLY belong to me and mdk.

there're many many more.
the song replayed thrice.
and im still typing.

and cos of those things that happened around me.
i reckon i lose faith in almost everything.

of how ugly and manipulating the adult world is.
not that im not an adult.

and how bitchy online people are.
not that i dont bitch.

and i never know.
whos really nice to me.
or who wanna be nice to be just for the benefits.

i prolly should marry edward cullen.
i'll ask him to transform me into a vampire.
i'll run and leap to the other end of the world.
and start a new life.

start anew.
mdk used these 2 words for so many times.

hmms.
i think menses make me hate the whole world.

and now that kah's back,
she's gonna be going back to aussie this week.
and ruis will be gone for norway.

sometimes i wonder.
whats so hard to say the truth.

im starting to get a lil 语文轮次？？
is that correct?


有点厌倦这尔虞我诈的世界。。。。。


k i'll get better after my sleep.