Being ugly isn't a choice.

Just when im feeling slightly happier.
aimed to finish 3 chapters today, and i did 4 before i left my mum's house.
intending to finish the last 2 by tonight.
and tmr will be intensive memorizing my notes.

even isa baby said she's shocked seeing my study.
i know i procrastinated.
but i'd never study for like 4 years?
im amazed at myself too.

ok. main point of my post.

i got insulted publicly today, for my looks.
i tried recalling when was the last time it happened.
i cant remember.
i think it had never been this harsh and openly before.

i was walking to the mrt.
backfacing a group of ahbengs talking loudly behind me.
i was so engrossed in my emails yet i can still hear them.
making bets if i am pretty or ugly.
making bets which guy will come and approach me.

so one came.
and ‘小姐’ me.
im glad i ignored.
didn't even look up.
cos i'd be even much more hurt than now if i saw the mocking faces.

they happily started to make jokes about me.
i dont understand why they have to talk so loud (OK LA I KNOW, JUST TO LET ME HEAR)
so they practically shouted this over to the people at yishun mrt.
'我小姐她，你有看到她的脸吗！哪里美！你看你看你看她的脸！送给我fuck我都不要'

should i be satisfied that he wanted to fuck me at first just by looking at my back view?
fyi. i was wearing pe shirt with fbt plus my big backpack full of notes.

and if that wasn't enough.
throughout my whole walking journey to yishun mrt,
they were just talking loudly about how ugly i look and laugh and laugh and laugh.

i was glad i didn't turn up and look at him when he xiao jie me.
so i could pretend i dunno that they were talking about me.
or pretend im not chinese.
MAYBE IM DEAF!

being ugly isn't a choice.
and isn't what i want.

im born with this face.
what can i do?

my sister always tell me she don't get why i wanted to do jaw surgery.
wei now you get it?

i dont believe average looking girls will get insulted like this in public.

我很丑，可是我很温柔～
小丑，小丑～

no im not fine.

just in case ure wondering,
i cried all the way walking home just now.

actually im used to people thinking im ugly.
or insulting me.
just that its the first time that im insulted to such extent.

im a 21 year old adult being insulted by ah bengs!
好失败。

the only benefit i get is that i doubt i'll be able to sleep tonight.
so i think i can really finish my last 2 chapters of notes.

other than that,
please give me some self time.
我需要时间安抚我的情绪。

哎，我是丑女。可悲啊。

i pray that i wake up with angela baby face tmr.