#940

i'd never been feeling this upset for so long.

happiness are always short lived.
not that i don't know of it.

but why do people always like to magnify my flaws.
and ignore the good things of me.

do i not have any?

i don't know,
why people have to make me feel that im not good enough.

what's the benchmark for good enough?

it's always so extreme.
when days i'm good, im perfect in everyone's eyes.
when days i'm bad, im worthless, a piece of shit & useless.

it was so extreme, that it hurt too much.

haha. why?

the ironic thing is,
im always the villian.
always the one at fault.

but the one who cried the most is always me.
the one who constantly said 'im hurt' is always me.

have i never successfully made you any edible food?
if i'm not sick and i made u a nice maggie mee,
am i NOT useless?
i doubt so.

when i do things wrongly, im useless.
but when i do things rightly, im NOT NOT useless.

imagine someone calling u a fei wu when u already vomitted twice.

honestly, why can't people just be mean and harsh to me when im healthy and have the strength to scold back.

how can people be that heartless.
it's like u already fell,
they don't bother lending u a helping hand,
they step on your hand, and wiggle their feet on your hand to crush it.

the times when i try, nobody sees it.

i think im very deluded.
it's like i used to be a crybaby and cry at every quarrels i have.
and mdk says he hated it.
but when i cry 3 times out of 5 quarrels.
i feel im making improvements.
but he just won't see it.
this is just an example.

it's so much easier when we were young.
we all lived in encouragement.
now?
meh.

im so sick.
of feeling not good enough.

for me,
its like filthy is in the eye of the beholder.
forget it if u don't get what im trying to say.