Single Life

 

random photos in my phone.

my fav clutch with my fav scent..

 

sat. at work with baby ferm!

it's busy when it's busy.

it's slack when it's slack

thanks beth & cy for dropping by with macs! :)

oh, and did i mention, the intern girl is quite pretty.

and some guy who's interested in her came by,

and their friend, BRAVED through the rain just to help me open the rubbish chute lid.

so sweet right!

(rocks being a girl / a chio girl's friend)

HAHAHA.

 

you know, i really dig guys with comb back hair style.

and he's shopping with his gf.

and that chiobu in the computer.

is some girl that me & ferm ogles alot.

http://caxs.tumblr.com/

go read!

she's so chio i always wanna kill myself whenever i read her blog. :(

 

mega yoghurt we had cos baby ferm had 50% off.

THE CHOCOLATE ONE IS AWESOME.

and.. she's a froyo freak -.-

 

this always helps when mj-ing.

haha.

 

baby caylia!

i know im bias, but bear with me.

hahaha.

 

bored at work.

 

nel b eating tao huay,

while she keep insisting it's tao hu.....

zzzzzzzzzz

cute nonetheless.

she makes me so happy.

im always happy when im at my mum's place.

A L W A Y S.

 

pig i saw yesterday night.

hahahaah.

im very.. thrilled when i saw them.

 

from mdk.

aiight, single life is.. meh boring.

i cried the way home on sat night.

cos i was feeling very lonely.

and unhappy.

i just wanted to kaobei.

and i realized i have no one.

i used to have mdk to kaobei to.

if things hadn't change, i MIGHT have kaobei to wx.

well anyway, he was at chalet that night and he basically ignored me the whole day.

i used to have cheng.

and i end up kaobei-ing to ....

which didn't help.

so yea.

LOL.

was talking to my junior few days back,

and he was telling me how lonely he is cos he's single.

but he had been single since he was sec 2 -.-

tell me about it.

im so used to having someone by my side for the past 5 years.

i hang out with my friends more, not cos i was preparing myself for a breakup.

but cos i realized, i stopped loving myself.

i devoted my whole life to mdk.

i put himself above everyone, anyone.

my friends, my family, my studies, my work, everything.

i stopped loving myself.

each time he cheated, each time he initiated a breakup,

i just felt like dying.

自甘堕落，自暴自弃。

i did so many things just to make him stay, beg him to stay.

it's always, too little too late.

when i start to realize i need to love myself more,

he changed for the better.

and then i realized feelings faded.

and then i started feeling maybe he don't love me as much.

and then i start to want to find someone who loves me more than i'll love him.

and then we broke up, cos im sick of my insecurities.

i couldn't even check his phone, or fb, or msn, or email.

cos he doesn't allow.

and as my insecurity rob my confidence away,

i get more and more unhappy each day.

i don't want to be with someone, where i can't even believe when he says he ain't dating other girls behind my back.

he says he understand how i feel.

but i dunno, does he really understand?

oh, and just in case ya'll doesn't know.

i moved on so quick, nobody believed it.

when i told people we broke up, they all just said

'aiya, you 2 standard, sooner or later will get back one'

actually yes, if he had come looking for me the very day.

i'd just give in.

i just wanted to feel important, to feel loved.

he neglected me, my feelings.

i told people i don't even feel im attached, cos he has no time for me at all.

and everything turns mundane.

im not exactly happy when im with him.

and im not exactly happy when im not with him.

i guess, being single just mean lonely.

doing things alone.

im used to it though.

work is busy.

but cos i wasnt in the mood.

i didn't work at all.

i club every week, and drink and drink and drink.

not cos im unhappy.

but just cos, i got nothing else to do.

i guess im just stressed.

my menses came 3 times this month -.-

and i wondered, am i in the wrong?

for moving on so quick?

for trying to move on so quick?

and each time i thought, im ok with him not in my life anymore,

he talks to me..

and the feelings, just horrible.

i cried so much on monday, i just feel so fucking miserable.

prolly this is why i treated wx so nice.

i saw myself in him.

i just hope he can learn how to protect himself.

and this is not all.

i have so much to kaobei still.

and my heart is still twisting so badly.

cos of so many things.

but im tired today,

im going to bed now.

till then,

XX.