Don't Judge

I pretty much don't like it when other girls judge me.

U know.
I can dig out alot of stuff.
I pretty much like the title 'psycho ex gf' too.
Lol.
Yeah. I really am psycho.

So yeah. I had been seeing mdk recently.
Trying to see if things can work.
Cos I still love him. And he said he still loved me alot too.
So no harm trying right?
So obviously I asked him to stop contacting the girls in his life that affects me.
I know I'm selfish.
But I just feel very insecure especially the thought that the girls like him.
He said he will earn my trust back.
And I really appreciate all the things he did for me.

Is it selfish of me?
That I want to protect myself at the expense of maybe hurting him?

Honestly, I know he might feel happier if he hang out with them.

But I'm just annoyed.
When one of them constantly tweet emo sad tweets and self praise herself publicly.
Or even say things like 'an ex is a past, shouldn't let them haunt you'
Something near there.

I'm actually constantly jealous and insecure.
This explains why I am so selfish too.

But just now, I pissed mdk off again.
I cancelled on him and I guessed that really disappoint him.
I chose to hang out with my friends though me and him already made plans earlier on.

Yes, I can't commit to him anymore.
But it's cos he ain't my bf.
I'm very afraid of putting in too much for him again and end up getting hurt.

So I end up hurting him.
And I felt really bad.

Is there a win win situation for us?

Cos for these 3 months.
It's either I end up ignoring him first.
Or him ignoring me.
What's the point of this cycle?
And not to mention all the shit that happened within these 3months.

But what annoyed me is that girls tweet as usual.
And I really wanna rant.
Cos I feel she is constantly Trying to prove that she will be a better choice for him.

Or when I read 'I still miss those precious moments'
Can I kill her?

Can I just have someone who has 0 girls in his life?

Anyway I guess he prolly ranted in his twitter too which is why she's constantly hinting him to move on.

And time will tell if she's a better choice than me wont it?
Why is she constantly trying to say how nice she is.
If she really is an angel.
Why are the rumors I hear about her are all negative?
Ok I'm just being really bitchy here.
But which girl aint?
I'm not going to act like a saint and contain my disdain for her.

I abhor the things she say. To the max.

Is it how sales woman clinch deals?
Asking him to let go, then trying to hard sell herself.

I'm overwhelmed by her love.

It's actually just being fan Jian.
She likes him cos he doesn't like her (my guess)
But what's with the sacrifices?

She says till like she is very wei qu and she put in alot.
Oh really?

And all in my head now is the PRECIOUS TIMES.
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Truth is.
I'm not treating him as well as
I should now.
And I don't deny.

I just hope that one day he can understand its not I don't appreciate him.
But it's just not the best timing for us now.
Meh.

And yes one day I'll regret like what he says.

But well
If u can handle me at my worst
Then You will deserve me at my best.

Bah.

It's not like I'm feeling happy that I upset him.

And he most likely tweets things like say maybe it's time to let go.

So I am so annoyed when I read that girls tweet again.

If u dunno anything about us.
Can u just shut up?

Oh wells.

LIFE.

I gave him shit.
And the girl who wants to be in his life so desperately gives me shit back.

Well done.

Bah. I hate her.

But I hate myself most.
Ugh.