I am cynical

As much as I hate to admit this, but yes I am a cynic.
Especially when it comes to relationships.

I expect the worst, I prepare myself for the worst.

I guess I'm just upset.
Ferm says I'm not selfish when I highlighted to him about the calls or let him go.
But no. I am selfish. And possessive. And paranoid.
But I totally understand how sucky it would feel and so I told him!
And wa lah nice move eils.
Spent my rest of the morning rolling around wondering if I did the right thing.
Actually yes I think I did. But I just don't feel good about it.
And each time I fell asleep I dream.
There were good and bad dreams, one of which I was crying so badly inside.
I don't feel good. I wanna kaobei kaobei kaobei kaobei.

I'm a cynic and I over think.
I have issues. I really have issues.

And fuck la. It's supposed to be Eileen's day today.

Great just great.
My first 6hours of my Saturday was so good but now it's the opposite.

Fuck.

I'm just upset. I'm merely human. And I'm upset cos I care. And I'm afraid.