I'm your girl

 what i have been up to..

 

i love lili.

told her i'm unhappy.

ranted. and this is what she says.

i love her, like a lot a lot a lot. :)

 

and the nonsense i tell fermelle almost everyday.

i'm everyone's happy pill, self proclaimed ^^

 

at the wake, with the comfy brown jacket.

meimei thighs are damn comfy to lie on!

although she always annoy the fuck out of me.

but oh wells, i tell myself.

it's her puberty stage.

MEH.

 

i still can't believe that my sister is married with two kids.

she was the one who never wanted to marry young.

and look at her now...

DAMN, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD EVERYONE I WANNA MARRY YOUNG 

it is always the oppositeeeeeeee :(

 

pretty like my wallpaper now.

muahs <3

 

i still find it very hard to embrace my long face + jaw.

can my jaw surgery faster comeeeeee.

 

i stole my niece's first kiss! :p

 

aiight, mum's for lunch with smlj.

i had fun holding hands with her while strangers stare.

i had fun bursting out in laughter when we said funny stuff to each other.

i had fun showing each other our ugly expressions.

it's nice, to love someone so wholeheartedly.

i just need to be nice to her, and just her, and no one else.

i give her my best in this friendship, and i'm contented with her presence.

it's funny how we almost became enemies or hold so much negativity for each other in the past.

i'm glad, that i stayed, and she stayed too.

also, would like to express my gratitude for the church ppl for the days at the wake.

they are all very nice people, very genuine at the very least.

and of cos, mdk too for coming down.

and yes, once again.

tom, chaos, shaun and smlj.

THANKS FOR COMING FOR THE FIRST NIGHT.

can't wait to see them at the steamboat on thurs.

and thank you smlj, for introducing them to me.

ALTHOUGH, it's definitely my character that attracts Tom thus he included me as a brother too.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

let me indulge in this love pleaseeeeeeeeeeee.

i can't stop saying how thankful i am for the people in my life now.

although i'll always feel i don't deserve any of this happy things.

i'm just very very very thankful.

the fear of losing is actually greater than the euphoria of having it.

i don't know, i was fucked over, and was left with nothing.

i lost a boyfriend, lost a best friend, and i still have severe trust issues.

met dale today, and he still says i'm psychotic.

FUCK YOU, but yes i think i still am.

i'm ok with almost everything, anything now.

and even i myself am surprised with it.

i was affected, but i told fermelle, i'm contented.

whatever he gave, was more than enough.

and i shouldn't expect more, and am in no position to either.

which leads to, i don't even know why i brought up that topic.

i hate how it leads to silence, and i just keep wonder if i should have just kept quiet because it was no longer affecting me, or at least i thought it wasn't.

if i had acted ignorant, it might just be better.

might.

afterall, i'll just forget everything after i wake up.

i'm easily contented, and it frightens me when people ask me to love myself more.

am i not?

i thought i am.

the things i have in my life now, are just too good to be true.

i don't think i even deserve to be this happy.

i'm constantly afraid that someone will leave me.

cos i don't want anyone in my life now to leave.

OK SOMEONE COUNSEL ME NOW.

or, i'll just sleep and self heal.